Top 10 American Youth Soccer Attendees

The List of the Top 10 American Soccer – Youth Tournament people you will find at any tournament.  See if you can pick them out next game. If you can’t…it may be you.

This is an article written by a good friend, John Conlon. John is a huge sports fan and pretty good soccer coach to say the least. You can find him at the soccer field on any given day, so he’s seen it all and knows what he’s talking about. This FB post was pretty funny and thought we should share it with the rest of the readers! Enjoy! 

10. Crazy grandparents

Who scream at the referee and yell “boot it” nonstop: See grandparents are more dangerous than parents because they have very little skin in the game. They can land like a stealth bomber and leave without a trace.

9. Weekend softball guy

Who now coaches his daughter’s soccer team: He was all county baseball four times. He was All over 40 softball league three times. Still disappointed he has daughters, so he coaches them like he plays softball. He slides into first on every hit and expects his daughters to hit anything on the field that walks.

8. Overzealous referee:

Blows his whistle really hard. Hands out cards like candy. Let’s everyone know he is in charge and plans to ref in the World Cup with his grade 9 referee badge.

7. Super Soccer Team Mom:

She makes sure faces are painted. Oranges are ready. Tunnel is set up post game on cue. Makes sure Little sally has her protein bars and gu packets for her u9 game. Super soccer team mom is really a gem but is so superstitious that if you got ants on a log as pregame snack and won…you will be getting that til you are 18.

6. Former super soccer team mom:

She now is on her fourth kid playing club soccer. Her kid rarely has the right uniform. She passes out mimosas pregame to the parents. Makes sure the post-game hotel bar is stocked and ready to go. Literally the MVP of the parents on the team.

5. Assistant Coach Dad:

Assistant coach dad has never played the game, but he is the co-pilot on the charter plane in case of emergency. Should head coach get tossed from game by 13-year-old referee…smash glass and use assistant coach dad to complete the mission.

4. Former European First Division professional dad:

Actually, he played in the over 30 beer league but no one can find record of the Lithuanian pro leagues so fact checking is impossible. No matter what decision is made by the head coach…it is wrong.

3. Soccer Diva Family:

First of all, the whole family wears matching club gear and drives a BMW with license plate that says soca4life. This family has had everything custom made and custom embroidered with player name and number on it. They have actually nicknamed their kid “Ronaldo.”

2. Overworked Tournament Administrator Volunteer:

God bless this person because they have dedicated their time to making the tournament run. They have a heart of gold and intentions in the right place. Unfortunately, because of the aforementioned crazy people their nerves are shredded. They are like a landmine ready to explode at any moment.

1. Actual former college or pro soccer player parent:

You can recognize them because they don’t interact with anyone. They sit by themselves and refuse to engage in conversation. Their deep stare is one of frustration and loss of empathy for all other US soccer parents.

This received a ton of responses from many soccer fans around the country. Including a few like;

• I’m crying over here – this is so awesome and dead on – thank you- am sharing this!!
• I’m number #5……..and almost had to save the day once for a coach, but the strategy was for me to start yelling at the ref what the coach was telling me. 🤔 😂
• You forgot the crazy a** coach who screams so hard his face turn red, berates his team (did I mention they’re 10 years old), argues with the ref and pretends as if the outcome of this lousy tournament has some significant bearing on the rest of his life. **And some wonder why parents are disenfranchised and drinking on the sidelines. **
• Like a tactical nuclear strike this hits ground zero like a hydrogen bomb of truth and laughter! Kaboom, right on target!
• I was definitely #7 and through the years promoted myself to #6. I am now the Lonely Hearts Has Been Soccer Mom who does yard work on the weekends, wishing I had a player, tournament, hotel and a sports chair so I could watch all those people. And yes, Mike is a hard core #1!!!

You can reach out to John Conlon here https://www.facebook.com/conlonja

So which one are you? John would love it if you could share your thoughts in the comments section.